MEMORABLE AND SOMETIMES IRREVERENT ONE LINERS
DOWN THROUGH OUR EAST AFRICAN HISTORY
by Joseph Healey

1. When packing various bags and boxes in Dar es Salaam to leave for a seminar, Joe Healey heard Dick Baker say: "Well, Joe Healey doesn't travel light!" Joe asked: "Has there ever been a communicator who travelled light?" Dick immediately answered: "Jesus, whom they call the Christ."

2. In the mid-1950's Rev. Doctor Ed Baskerville was asked by an American radio broadcaster about his medical work in Tanzania. He replied: "It's a bit like being a mosquito in a nudist colony – there's so much to do that you don't know where to start."

3. John Casey's definition of a "mradi" (Swahili word for "financial project"): "Something that is guaranteed to lose money."

4. During a game of Catholic Trivial Pursuits on the porch of the Brown House in Makoko John Casey pulled out the card that said: "Name a famous missionary society known by the hill on which its center is located." He answered: "Mill Hill." When John turned over the card the answer read: "Maryknoll."

5. After seven years away Bill Daley returned to Ingri Parish in Musoma Diocese wondering what the people thought of his coming back after so many years. When he went to the first outstation to celebrate the Eucharist the people asked: "Did you bring our mail?"

6. Commenting on the challenges in Old Maswa Parish in Shinyanga Diocese Paul Fagan said: "Fortunately many people are helping. The saying goes that 'nothing is impossible if you can get someone else to do it."

7. Ed Hayes was showing a visitor around Shinyanga Diocese. After driving for only fifteen miles his Land-Rover shuddered to a stop. Ed pulled out the car manual and attempted to locate the source of the problem. After several hours a truck pulled up. The driver, an elderly African, got out to help. He wriggled under the vehicle while his passenger poured over the manual. Emerging with a smile, the earnest mechanic started up the Land Rover. His passenger began telling him about the splendid manual. The elderly man replied, "The foreigners may use books, but we Africans use our heads."

8. When Carroll Houle was pastor of Zanaki Parish in Musoma Diocese he met President Julius Nyerere after he had just returned from a State Visit to India. Carroll commented that while he had always liked India, the distinctive Hindu music hurt his ears. President Nyerere replied: "That's interesting because the singing of our Butiama Catholic Church Choir always hurts my ears."

9. Bishop Castor Sekwa enjoys repartee and witty exchanges at meals. Once he asked Carroll Houle what his job was as the Africa Area Coordinator. After Carroll explained the bishop said: "Oh what you are saying is that you are working just for Maryknoll." "No," Carroll said, "I'm working for Jesus and his kingdom. And who do you work for?" The bishop laughed heartily.

10. At a workshop for Catholic Bishops, Ed Killackey was asked to identify himself. He brought the house down by saying: "I belong to a little known religious community that cooks and washes for Sisters."

11. On obtaining gasoline during the regional shortages in 1985 John Lange exclaimed: "I just pull into one of the three stations near Kibaha (near the port outside of Dar es Salaam) and say, "Fill 'er up." But in Shinyanga and Musoma gas is getting to be like the American buffalo."

12. Charlie Liberatore would always reverently kiss his breviary before praying the Hours. But after his breviary fell into the outdoor latrine in Sayusayu Parish curiously he stopped kissing it.

13. Ray McCabe wanted to let Don Larmore know that he had arrived at Mwanza Airport to pick him up, but he couldn't signal to him in the jammed arrivals section. So he shouted in English over the Swahili din, "Go, Big Red, Go." Inside Don broke out in a big grin as he recognized the nickname of his Nebraska football team.

14. At the end of the dry season in 1961 a Maryknoll priest celebrated the Eucharist at Rosana Parish in Musoma Diocese for the intention of rain. It started to rain that day and went on and on for months. The roads were all flooded out and Lake Victoria rose a couple of feet. Finally another Maryknoller Moe Morrissey went down from Nyamwaga Parish to Rosana to tell the priest: "Okay, we know you're a saint. Now tell Him to turn it off."

15. During a seminar on inculturation Lou Quinn quoted this classic: "Once you become a bishop you'll never hear confessions, you'll never get a poorly cooked meal and you'll never hear the truth again."

16. One particular day Bishop John Rudin traveled to Nyarombo Parish for Confirmations. Because of the heavy rains he had to leave his Volkswagen Beetle on the Utegi side of the Mori River. He crossed over by walking through the water on a cement drift. On returning the water was higher and he had to take off his pants and shoes before crossing. A local Tanzanian helped him. With the strong current the bishop slipped and grabbed for his helper's arm, having to let go of his pants which floated down the river. Then both men scrambled to the bank in safety. Without his pants Rudin got into his car and drove immediately to Kowak where he asked the pastor Bill Daley: "Bill, can you lend me a pair of pants?"

17. Art Wille deserves a special place in Tanzanian annals as one of the original Maryknoll Buffaloes. When Zanaki Parish celebrated its 25th Anniversary in 1981 a very important guest, President Julius K. Nyerere, said: "Today the real Guest of Honor is not me but the founder of this Zanaki Parish, Father Art Wille."

18. Howie O'Brien was using the radio call phone in Dar es Salaam to get an important message to Dick Hochwalt in Shinyanga. The static was very heavy and he kept repeating the message ending with the radio call style of signing off by saying "Over." After a couple of fruitless tries, Howie finally asked Dick what part of the message he had heard. Dick replied: "The only thing I heard was "Over."

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